“When the dark forces of the adult world conspire against you, when you feel that you’re resilience is being tested, put on some gangster shit and handle your business”
I’m the Mum.
Im a bit of a hero. I try my best to always do what is right and good for my family but sometimes, things just don’t go as planned.
As much as I like to be in control of everything, sometimes things happen that are outside of my control.
Sometimes all the bills will come at once and you will have to work out how to pay 5 different bills with 4 bills worth of money.
Sometimes the weather will turn to shit when you had expected it to be good.
Sometimes people will say things about you that aren’t true but they wont give you the opportunity to explain yourself. Sometimes people will judge your family without trying to get to know you at all.
Sometimes youll fight and get frustrated and by all these things you have no control over and you will start to feel defeated. Youll begin to wallow and feel like a victim and try to figure out ways to smooth things over and put smiles on all those faces that seem to be frowning at you.
Youll feel like nothing is really going your way and youre at fault even though you haven’t done anything wrong.
The year you were determined to make your year is quickly turning into someone elses year on your time. The free time you thought youd have is being swallowed up by things outside of your control and you are feeling increasingly like a pawn in someone elses game.
Your life is beginning to feel less and less like your own.
Youll spend hours on the phone to the tax office, trying to work out why they’re saying you owe them money only to find out your accountant had made a mistake. You’ll pick up dinner at the drive through and get home only to find out you did not get what you paid for. Your kids will bring home headlice for the 3rd time this year because other parents are ignoring the problem and all the while you’ll think “This is unfair. This is not my problem. I’m doing everything right, why do I have to deal with this?” and then you’ll put the kids to bed and as you sit down to get comfy and try to exhale the frustrations of the day you realise the beer you got is not a twist top.
But I know a secret. I know how you can keep moving forward even when you feel like youre being dragged back. You see, youre assisted by universal magic. Its called a shitshield and it protects you from feeling like you’ve lost control of your life.
When other people try to test your moral compass, your shitshield will help you take the high road. When someone is seeking to improve their own life by trampling on yours, your shitshield will help you find the silver lining and hold onto it while you navigate the way out of the shitstorm that they have created.
Even when things happen that you feel completely unprepared for, your shitshield will help you deflect it back onto the person who is slinging it at you, while you prepare to defend your family.
The kryptonite to your shitshield however is worrying about things you cant control. Its spending your time getting angry about something that has nothing to do with you. Its giving power to those who have no interest in your well-being and letting them walk all over you because you have no energy left to fight.Your shield will strain under the weight of it and when little things become big things, you’ll know your shield has cracked.
When your kid loses their school jacket or your dog gets sick and you ask “why me?”
When you get a flat tyre or your car wont start you’ll shake your head and laugh because you don’t have the strength to cry.
When ordinary things that you would normally be able to deal with are becoming monumental because People are demanding their pounds of flesh and youre starting to feel like soon you’ll be left with nothing to offer; its time to refocus.
You need to repair your shield.
When the dark forces of the adult world conspire against you, when you feel that you’re resilience is being tested, put on some gangster shit and handle your business.
Listening to Big Sean wax lyrical about how many fucks he does not give is sure to stir something primal, making you feel less like a victim and more like a force to be reckoned with. Because mama, that’s exactly what you are. Its time to let it all go. Its time to trust the direction you find yourself travelling in even though it might not be what you planned.
If you feel like you’re about to crumble – take some time to practice some self care. Write off a whole day of responsibility to hide in a don’t-give-a-fuck-fort to repair your shield. Think of all the times you’ve been in tougher positions because you have been, remember? Think of how you overcame them. Its OK to feel overwhelmed but don’t let other people get the better of you. Focus on the positive things, no matter how small they are. Refocus and work out how to take back control of your life firstly by letting go of the shit you cant control. Ask the universe to force those who are making your life difficult to stand in wet patches with clean socks on but don’t lower yourself to their level. Ask yourself what Beyonce would do. Figure out where your power is and how you can use that to do whats best for your family regardless of what others think. Know that you are the glue of your family and if you fall apart, so will they. Let that knowledge strengthen you till you emerge re-energised and ready to fight for your family like the fucking hero you are. You’ve got this.
JULIA KERR AND CO 